There’s this alternate reality in my head where Stella and I have more time together—where she lives into her senior years of 14, 16, 18. These thoughts have offered comfort as I’ve struggled to hold onto memories of her regular movements, mannerisms, and better days. Diagnosed with hepatic lipidosis (fatty liver syndrome) only six weeks ago, a sudden onset after a period of not eating, we’ve been in the throes of intensive caregiving.

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